Rain

Vodka
Purchase Price: Generally $16-20
Place of Purchase: Never Purchased
Rating: 5.0

I hear a lot of chirping about how vodka’s infamous “neutral taste” makes it impossible for a truly "bad" vodka to exist, but I must disagree and hold (at arm’s length) a bottle of Rain up as evidence. I first had the displeasure of sampling this at an art opening on the LES that caused me to say a lot of disparaging things about it in a loud tone of voice—rather ungentlemanly behavior on the part of a guest, but drinking is at least as serious a business as art, don’t you think? I was hoping never to see it again, but only scant months later I was at a party somewhere in Tribeca where there were about six bottles of Rain arranged about the kitchen counter and honestly, no alternative in sight, not even a cheap bottle of wine! I tried to choke down a plastic cup full, even adding some fruit juice to it, but there was no escaping the slightly sickening, throat-constricting feeling this vodka produces. So it was down the stairs for a six-pack of micro-brewed beer. Rain really is a must to avoid.

Knappogue Castle 1993

Irish Whiskey
Purchase Price: $36
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 7.8

Knappogue is an Irish single malt initially recommended to me by a bartender in an authentic Irish Pub in the authentically Irish city of Boston, so my hopes for this were as high as Carrauntoohil, but it never really scaled those dizzying heights of 3,000 feet or so. It seems really washed-out and thin to me, like a summer blouse fashioned from Irish Linen instead of the hefty Munster Rugby jersey I was anticipating. Hmmm. Retarded analogies aside, this is way too mild-mannered for me—and they’re not exactly selling it for eleven bucks, either. A surprising let-down.