Johnnie Walker Blue Label

Blended Scotch
Purchase Price: Generally $160--200
Place of Purchase: By the glass in several different places
Rating: 8.1

I'm probably one of the few people strolling the planet who's had a FULL bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue THROWN at them. Last December, I bore witness to a bunch of skateboard punks relieving some businessman-type guy of his belongings, shortly after beating him down to the sidewalk. One of the items they nabbed was a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue--perhaps a client or business partner had given it to their victim for Christmas? In any case, these kids must have been straight-edge or single malt snobs because they heaved this most famous of blends my way without so much as blinking an eye. Even being the most overpriced, overhyped scotch out there, it really didn't deserve that sort of treatment. Luckily for my well-being, the kid who threw it wasn't quite ready to give Brett Favre or even Trent Dilfer a run for his money so I escaped with some "minor splashing" on the lower parts of my Z. Cavaricci trousers. The businessman was a bit more unfortunate, he was blubbering like a girl after his overcoat had been pulled over his head and the sleeves tied up around his noggin like the bow on a wedding gift. Did I mention that Johnnie Walker Blue is overpriced and overhyped? If you want to drop $200 on a blend, Chivas Regal Royal Salute is the only way to go. And it comes in a beautiful ceramic vessel that even the most cretinous teenager would think twice about destroying.

Aberlour 16 Year

Single Malt
Purchase Price: $65
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 8.1

Aberlour 10 year is one of the best—no scratch that, Aberlour 10 is the best “bang for the buck” single malt around. Granted, I live near a place that sells it for 24 bucks a bottle, but even at its recommended retail price of about $35, it’s well-nigh untouchable. Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, Tamdhu—don’t even bother with that stuff. Aberlour 10 “brings the noise” as they say. So, all that being said, I don’t feel I was out of line when I expected the 16 year old double-casked (bourbon and sherry) version of this malt to be something extraordinary. Honestly, I think I was actually whistling on my way home with this! Well, it didn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong, this is a fine malt, it’s Aberlour, after all, and they are incapable of producing bad whisky. But this rather expensive expression seems way too restrained to me, as if the weight of six extra years have pressed out all the lush chewiness that makes the 10 year so special. And the sherry-finishing seems a non-starter.

An interesting sidenote: I purchased this bottle using about six months worth of change I had saved up. Have you ever heard of Penny Arcade? What will “mankind” think of next?

El Dorado Superior 12 Year

Rum
Purchase Price: $20
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 7.8

To paraphrase Rattle and Hum-era Bono Vox: “El Dorado. Cadillac stole it, the Demerara Distillers of Guyana are taking it back.” If only. This came to me highly touted (by whom, I can’t remember) so I was pretty excited about trying it, but it really failed to make much of an impression. It’s undergone a formidable amount of aging, 12 years as a matter of fact, but even a relative toddler like 4 year old Barbancourt thrashes this like a mongoose set loose on a garter snake. It’s just not doing it for me the way Michelle Ryan from the new Bionic Woman does, but that is probably asking too much in the first place. Maybe the 15 year-old is better, I will keep you posted…

Siku

Vodka
Purchase Price: $20
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 7.9

This is supposedly made with water from glaciers—I don't know what they're gong to resort to when the glaciers are all gone in about 18 months, but that is Siku’s Master Distiller’s problem, not mine. In any case, for a spirit touting such a majestic pedigree, this is pretty underwhelming. I don’t know if I was expecting it to drink ice cold even after being stored at room temperature or to be flavored with a slight infusion of Gatorade “Arctic Ice”, or what, but in the end it really seemed like “just another” vodka--there’s thousands of them now, all trying to outdo one another in packaging and gimmickry in order to grab the attention of a rapidly fatiguing consumer base. You’ve heard the phrase “miles of aisles” well, that’s what most vodka sections look like these days. Siku’s bottle is fairly normal in shape but it has a fetching blue-green tinge to it that makes it look slightly extraterrestrial. The vodka itself, though, is decidedly earthbound.

Old Charter 8 Year

Bourbon
Purchase Price: $12
Place of Purchase: Somewhere in Nashville, TN
Rating: 7.8

The shock yellow label on this reminds me a bit of the way the old Jim Beam Rye labels looked before they switched to the ho-hum hue they use now—which is more like the color of your Dad’s faded Dockers. Old Charter is hardly a “sexy” name in the drinks biz, but it is one of the oldest. It was a brand I had heard of but never seen populating the shelves of New York liquor stores, so when I saw a bottle in a package store down in Tennessee, it was an easy call to grab it. The 12 dollar price tag certainly wasn’t discouraging me, either. At that price point, I was expecting an everyday “shot and a beer” type whiskey and that’s exactly what this is. At least the label is doing its part to set it apart from the pack. Otherwise, it’s just another in a long line of prosaic bourbons featuring the word “Old” in their name. They are legion.

White Horse

Blended Scotch
Purchase Price: $12
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 8.6

My all-time favorite "bargain" blend and you can purchase a bottle for roughly the price of breakfast at Denny's or a child's wooden pull toy. It's got a bit of everything, all expertly arranged and balanced--a bit like a walking tour of Scotland in a glass. White Horse is so beloved that fanatic devotees have actually carved massive tributes to it on the side of hills in the UK. That's the kind of dedication only an exceptional whisky is deserving of and I am here to say that White Horse is so exceptional that I truly believe these mysterious simply aren't enough--it really is worthy of having a visual memorial to it blasted into the side of Mount Everest using pinpoint-placed SCUD missiles and a battleship full of white paint. Buy a case and settle in for the winter, it'll be the best one of your life.

Seagram's 7

Canadian Whisky
Purchase Price: Generally $13-$18
Place of Purchase: Various
Rating: 8.1

What can I say about this--the first drink I ever had? I was 13 years old, a happy-go-lucky attendee at a neighbor’s graduation party. At some point a bunch of us started badgering some of the older teenagers to get us drinks, and incredibly, they actually agreed. When they asked me what I wanted I blurted out “7&7”—it was just about the only drink I knew! These older kids were so cool they not only delivered our cocktails to us out behind the rented hall, but supplemented them with a bunch of 7 ounce cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Talk about a bounty! Not long after that you had a bunch of drunken 13 and 14 years-olds running around the circular driveway pretending to be racehorses. But nobody got sick and no one got in trouble. Ah, youth. You never forget your first buzz. It is a feeling I’ve tried to recapture many times since then, with varying levels of success. I salute Seagram’s 7 and still believe that it goes better with 7-Up than anything on the market.

Sobieski

Vodka
Purchase Price: $9
Place of Purchase: Joe Canal's - Rio Grande, NJ
Rating: 8.0

Purchasing a bottle of vodka you’ve never heard of for $9 at a self-described "mega-store" in New Jersey is always going to be a potentially disastrous acquisition. But Sobieski had three things going for it that nudged me into pulling the trigger. One, it’s Polish (they rarely misstep in this category) two, it’s distilled from rye, (just like one of my favorites Belvedere, also from Poland) and three, it shares a name with LeeLee Sobieski (who is quite fetching and probably should be doing some advertising work for this brand—think of the synergy!). Well, for once, my instincts steered me right, Sobieski is a decent vodka, not exactly something you'd serve the Czar if he dropped by, but it most certainly lacks the anti-freeze burn of some of the other vodkas being peddled at this price point. It is a genuine economic bargain in these troubled times. Unscrew a bottle while the movers empty out your foreclosed house!

Bruichladdich Infinity

Single Malt
Purchase Price: Generally $75 or so
Place of Purchase: Received as gift
Rating: 8.0

This and Isle of Jura Superstition qualify as the strangest-tasting malts I’ve yet encountered. Bruichladdich has been a laboratory of sorts in recent years, offering the general public dozens of experiments in various cask-finishing, peating and God knows what else. This weighs in at a hefty 55.5% alcohol, but for all that formidable strength, it is not overpowering. (I’ve got a bottle of Old Grand Dad 114 proof at home at the moment that feels like it’s attacking me with a flamethrower.) Granted it does begin with an initial tsunami of brine right from the start, but it’s been assembled so deftly that the middle and back end prevail with ever decreasing waves of fruitcake, peat and leather. Plus, about a dozen other notes I’m hard-pressed to identify. And then some hale sea air again that actually leaves you thirsty. I like it, but it is definitely a dram for the adventurous.

Jim Beam Black

Bourbon
Purchase Price: $26
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 7.9

Like any red-blooded American, I've consumed my share of white-label Jim Beam over the years, but the older I get, the more I avoid it. Let's just say it does the job, but in this new era where a veritable explosion of single-barrel, small-batch whiskeys have raised the bar for American bourbon, "regular" Jim Beam has been relegated to where it belongs: a commodity to mix with Coke at a tailgate or teenage pool party. Jim Beam Black, however, is supposedly a cut above its fairer-labeled brother, a more refined, complex affair more suited to sipping neat on the front porch of your McMansion. Well, after sampling a bottle, I remain unconvinced. There's nothing "wrong" with Jim Beam Black but I can think of half a dozen bourbons at this price point I'd rather sit back and relax with. I'm truly sorry, that's just the way it is.

Hurricane

Rum
Purchase Price: $22
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 8.2

I get a bit leery when I encounter a rum produced in the U.S. but at least Hurricane is distilled on an island (Nantucket if you are keeping track) like most good rums. Another plus this has going for it is that it truly is a hand-crafted, small-batch rum. Limited production from a tiny enterprise they proudly call a “micro-distillery.” Just what the doctor ordered and they pull it off with great aplomb. There are flags flying on the front of this bottle, but from a distance they look like red wax lips. In sum, a great rum from a great country. Did you know that the United States of America has won every single Olympics ever staged? The sheer number of gold, silver and bronze medals we have collected over the last 100 years are enough to fill Lake Michigan. Strange but true.

Clontarf Single Malt

Irish Whiskey
Purchase Price: $26
Place of Purchase: Astor Wine and Spirits - New York, NY
Rating: 8.6

This is the best Irish Whisky I've tried to this point and that includes expensive examples like Knappogue Castle and Redbreast. (I haven't tried Connemara or Midleton yet, but we'll see) Bananas, pears and just the right amount of cake-like smoothness combine to produce a real winner. There's a lot more going on here than your average Irish Whiskey and I'm not sure if that's because it is a single malt or not. I don't think it really matters. They've recently changed the labeling on this and I hope they haven't monkeyed with the whiskey inside. It really is an exceptional pour and raises the stakes in a category this is usually congenial (meaning easy to drink) but bland (meaning too easy to drink). Superb.

Cragganmore

Single Malt
Purchase Price: Generally $40-$50
Place of Purchase: By the glass at Red Lion Inn (Stockbridge, MA) and dba (New York, NY)
Rating: 7.2

Wow. It's the honest to God truth to say that there are very few single malts that I don't like. There are some I like better than others, of course, but I genuinely feel that to make a comment like "All single malts are good" is NOT misleading or irresponsible. However, it's really only 90% true because (in my case, anyway) of malts like Cragganmore. I've tried it twice now, and had a hard time finishing my glass each time. This astounds me, as it is a highly rated malt. I can't even put my finger on what facet of it keeps putting me off. There was just some crazy aftertaste that stuck to the roof of my mouth like a Fruit Roll-Up and each successive sip only furthered my consternation. Baffling, but it is what it is. This rating may be revised in the future when I give it a third and maybe even fourth try, but for now, this holds the dubious distinction of being my least favorite single malt.

Skyy

Vodka
Purchase Price: $16
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 5.0

America did quite well in the Summer Olympics but in the vodka stakes they keep offering up hapless losers. This stuff has some nasty edges to it that are on par with putting your tongue on a cold metal ice cube tray. And then moving it around. It's a shame because the bottle is a pleasant shade of blue. I still remember the anger and outrage I felt when an old roommate of mine replaced a bottle of Stoly she had stolen and consumed during a weekend cocaine binge with a bottle of Skyy. It was not an even trade. True story: I used to work with a guy whose psychological problems led him down a path that ended up with him being a "Financial Slave" to a girl he met on Craigslist. Part of their agreement had him purchasing cases of Louis Roederer Champagne that she then bathed her feet in. I would have suggested using Skyy vodka instead--it seems like the perfect solvent for cleansing bunions and corns begrimed by a long day of flouncing around Soho in designer flip-flops. Yuk!

W.L. Weller 12 Year

Bourbon
Purchase Price: $18
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 8.2

William Larue Weller, what have you wrought? Quite a lot, I think. The entire Weller range provides some of the most reliable quaffs to be found at prices that'll leave you plenty of dosh in your pocket for the OTB or purchasing Halloween candies for the little ones. Warehouse was selling this for an absolutely sick sub-$20 price about a year ago, unfortunately I haven't seen it there recently. But even at its more typical low to mid twenties price, this is a bargain that almost seems unfair to the people producing it. I mean this is 12 year old bourbon! Granted it's not single-barrel, but it might as well be. There are flavors hitting from all directions in this and a finish that lets you down gently for the next go-round. Not sure what else "we" need in a drink, but if I can think of it, I'll tell you.

Sazerac

Rye
Purchase Price: $27
Place of Purchase: Warehouse - New York, NY
Rating: 8.5

This is one of the more expensive ryes out there before you take the big leap up to extensively-aged single-barrels, but it lives up to its elevated price point in every way. In fact, this is probably the best rye I've tried so far. Great traditional rye spiciness combined with some hints of black licorice (a flavor I have little tolerance for when it’s presented in the form of candy—go figure) and even a bit of anise somewhere in there. Sounds crazy, but the end result is as smooth and luxurious and exhilarating as sitting in your rich uncle’s Maybach doing 110 on a freshly paved road. In other words, serious business. Rye whiskey is the unsung hero of American distilling and this is one of its shining examples.